The NEW Helio "Total Happiness Guarantee"

It is now August 26.

You may want to read my post "Stranded in the Ocean" first. But a quick recap for those of you keeping score at home: ordered phones from Helio in May, canceled in June within the 30 day trial period, still have the devices and a growing file of records from my phone calls to Helio.

I just spent 44 minutes and 27 seconds on the phone with Helio for my 6th call to get this one issue resolved. With each call I have been keeping a note of the time, date, person I've talked to, etc. So here's round 6, and I've still made no progress.

Helio offers a "Total Happiness Guarantee (middle of the page, toward the bottom)." So you order their products and, if not satisfied, return them within 30 days for a full refund. I called for the first time on June 11 to cancel my account. We're closing in on a full 3 months since that call and I have yet to receive the mysterious RMA slips that I need to return the devices for credit.

Each of the 6 times I have called I have spoken with girl service reps, all sounding about 18 years old. I just spoke with a supervisor, Jackie. She sounded 20ish, though the way she was arguing with me she may still be in high school. She is an unprofessional smart alec. She also struggled with finding the word "expedite," though its quite possible they are not allowed to use such a dirty word at Helio.

So what sucks is the fact that I cannot receive my refund until Helio receives the devices. I cannot send the devices until I receive the RMA slips from Helio. And Helio can't seem to figure out a way to get the RMA slips to my house, though the devices made it here without 6 additional calls.

I am totally not happy. They can't guarantee happiness. So, I will give you the "New Helio Total Happiness Guarantee" from a Helio customer's perspective. The new guarantee is much shorter, too. If you want a guarantee that Helio will make you happy, don't do business with them. Done.

Tell your family. Tell your friends.

Helio: Korean for ridiculous.

Stranded in the Ocean

Helio Ocean - QWERTY,
originally uploaded by anearthling.

So I was pretty stoked when Helio announced the release of the Ocean. Let it be known that I am an Apple kind of guy, through and through. However, there are a few reasons why I did hold out and continue to hold out on the purchase of an iPhone. It will happen. Just not yet. I'll save that for another post.

The Ocean offers a lot of what I was / am looking for in a phone. Some of the attributes on my list are: non-Windows OS, full QWERTY, a browser (not the standard paltry portals on most handsets), and a shooter with more than 1.3 megapixels. Beyond that I was / am looking for an unlimited data plan that doesn't cost more than my home broadband bill.

The Ocean hit the spot. I jumped in, knowing I'd be paying for my nuptial agreement with Verizon. And it hit the spot. Every spot except phone calls, that is. I have had a Palm Treo 700p for a year. Its a great pda and a miserable phone. But even its miserable self is better than the voice service I was getting in the Ocean. I had dropped calls in my house and at my desk at work, the two places that, when combined, equals 90% of my time. I can't have that.

Helio doesn't want you to call their devices a phone. Now I understand why. Its not a phone. At least not a good one.

I was bummed. I really like the design. Well done. It actually feels Apple-esque. Quality hardware. Excellent packaging. The keyboard is a bit cramped on the top row, but otherwise its a great keyboard. The picture quality is excellent. Music sounds great, though I can't for the life of me understand why manufacturers are pumping out devices for music and still using 2.5mm jacks instead of the standard 3.5mm. Regardless, the performance is good.

BUT, it still has to be a good phone with good service. So I called to cancel because Helio extends a 30-day trial. That initial call to cancel was on June 11. Its now July 19, and three calls later, I still have not rec'd the packing slip from Helio to return the Ocean and the Drift I bought for my wife. Not cool.

I'm a gadget fan. Its slightly more than a hobby for me. I take in RSS feeds and podcasts and check websites and forums about gadgets, specifically mobile technology. My friends and family know this about me, and will come to me for questions about which device or carrier they should go with. I'm not an evangelist, but I have influenced a lot of people to by Apple and Palm devices. Several.

I could have been an evangelist for Helio. On the contrary, now, I will steer any friends and family clear of Helio. An device is only as good as its service and the company that backs it up. Apple shines in this arena. Palm is faltering. But Helio has lost my respect out of the gate.